


Teach me how to be loved.

by autumnleavesx



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Children, Angst, F/M, Kid Fic, M/M, Missing Persons, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-22 13:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2508974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumnleavesx/pseuds/autumnleavesx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last place Harry expected to be at 21 was in London alone with his 5 year old son. Scared by the past; afraid to let himself feel again. To let someone in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> This is just the start of something I've been writing and I would love to know what you think. I hope you enjoy :) .x

Harry slumped his back against the door of his Peugeot, tapping his foot absentmindedly between the tyre and hubcap. He quickly stopped however when he felt the sag of the tyre beneath his shoe. He couldn’t afford to have that replaced this month. It was a cold day out – unsurprising seeing as it was the middle of November in London- and goose bumps had begun to rise up his arm. As per usual he had forgotten his coat in the rush this morning to get out the door. Looking after a five year old was tiring work, especially when you forget to buy coffee on the last weekly shop. Sometimes he longed for the days when Lucas had been content with just watching him get ready for work, happily eating his cereal all by himself. Not the current phase of asking him every question under the sun, whilst emptying everything from his just packed school bag onto the floor just before they needed to go. Harry still wasn’t sure either how he managed to get a Cheerio on top on the fridge. Whenever he mentioned it to his Mum in their weekly phone chats, she just laughed mentioning something about karma for him as a child, which he had definitely not appreciated at the time seeing as he was wiping spaghetti hoops up from the floor. She knew he secretly he loved the fact that Lucas’ whole world revolved around Harry and that he looked at him with pure love, with out any of the judgement he received anywhere else. And despite the on going noise and questioning, Harry knew she was right. Lucas was his world as much, if not more than Harry was his.

 

Remembering that he’d left his beanie in the front cupboard yesterday, Harry leant back inside the car to grab it, dodging the array of Starbursts and Lego pieces that fell out alongside it. The green woollen fabric was a welcome comfort to his ears when he reappeared into the cold air. Rearranging the hat over his curls Harry caught terse nod of recognition from Mrs Jones two cars over. He smiled awkwardly in return; taking note of her incredibly padded Barbour Jacket alongside the flask of what was undoubtedly herbal tea clutched between her gloved hands. He already knew she was judging his flimsy plaid shirt and black t shirt combination. It wasn’t like she needed ammunition to judge him though. Back home it had been fine- they all knew. But here – here he was the twenty one year old who had a five-year-old son. No mother to be seen or mentioned. He knew he shouldn’t be ashamed it had taken him along time to come to terms with that- it was their problem not his. He just didn’t want it affecting Lucas. That their parents judgements would stop them being friends with his son.

 

Checking the clock on his shattered phone screen – a marble run mishap last Friday being the kiss of death for his previously cat like phone – Harry saw he still had another ten minutes before the school finished. The school had longer hours than most others he had looked at – partly why he had chosen it, as it would give him the opportunity to work as many hours as possible. Hours he needed if he wanted to afford the school fees on top of putting a roof over their heads and making sure Luca was fed and happy. There had been far too many evenings recently he had gone hungry just to make sure that they could stay afloat. He refused to take offers of handouts from his family and friends. He had a child and it was his responsibility to sort.

 

Harry looked up when he sensed a body next to him. A ridiculously large bobble hat that overwhelmed his head masked Niall’s blonde hair, but his face and lopsided grin were unmistakable.

 

“You Alright H? Looking a bit cold.”

 

He never was anything but wonderfully blunt. Harry had met Niall on his second week in London, Niall picking up his nephew from the school. It was the final day Harry was going to stand outside amongst the other parents and wait. After a week of hostile glares and not so silent gossiping, he couldn’t stand it any longer and was going tor retreat to his car and the safety of the radio. But Niall had made a beeline for him; Harry standing out in the sea of middle aged professionals. They had made fast friends. Unusual for Harry since everything happened but he was desperate for company his own age and Niall was more than happy to take on that roll. It seemed pure chance that they actually had so much in common. It was a welcome relief to talk to someone about music; match of the day or even just the weather. Someone who didn’t look at him with sympathy or judgement. Or who expected something of him. With Niall, he could just be Harry- the Harry he was before everything. Niall never asked what happened either- maybe knowing he wasn’t ready to tell- and accepted the fact that Harry was guarded and that his evening were taken up by bath time not beer time. He was what his Mum had described as ‘ a true gem’. If his Mum ever met Niall in person the poor bloke would probably be suffocated by hugs. And baking. Not that Niall would mind the food. Niall now picked up three times a week just to see Harry instead of their normal text conversations. Although Harry suspected it had something to do with his crush on the Year three teacher.

 

“Forgot my coat on the way to work- bit of a busy morning with Lucas.”

 

Niall nodded understandingly before reaching to unzip his coat.

 

“Mate have…”

 

Harry shook his head. He didn’t need the other parents to think he was a charity case as well.

 

“Niall seriously it’s fine. I’m fine..”

 

“You have fucking goosebumps mate. I can survive with out it. You’re so bloody skinny as well – you not eating or something? ”

 

Harry assiduously ignored the food question knowing only too well that there was only one portion of fish fingers left in the freezer.

 

“Honestly Niall I’m fine. Please it’s fine.”

 

Niall must have taken note of the desperation lingering in Harry’s words and quickly changed the topic although a slight frown lingered by his eyes.

 

“So Liam’s coming over for a meal on Thursday.”

 

Harry slapped Niall on the shoulder.

 

“You finally worked up the courage to ask him then? That’s fantastic mate! First name terms and all now is it- next thing you know you’ll be hugging.”

 

Niall laughed, shoving Harry lightly against the shoulder.

 

“F off H. “

 

There was a slight weighted pause before Niall spoke again.

 

“You’re welcome to come over too you know. Liam would love to meet you in person and you can finally see my flat and ….”

 

Harry shook his head feeling the familiar uneasiness in his stomach return.

 

“Niall I cant .. I have L..”

 

“My sister can look after him. She really wants to meet him; he’s all Jack talks about at home.”

 

He had never let anyone but his family look after Lucas. Even then not longer than a few hours before he checked in. Not since …

 

“It’s a lovely offer….”

 

“Then take it. Please mate. Look I’ll cook dinner and then we can have a few beers that’s it. Lucas will literally be a phone call away. You need this H.”

 

It sounded so appealing. A warm cooked meal; a night away from being alone after eight o clock when Lucas had gone to sleep. He wanted to say yes so badly. He needed to start letting people in again. The school gates opened before he had time to verbally reply but Niall caught the quick nod. And Harry couldn’t help but feel pleased at the massive grin taking over Niall’s face as he ignored the nagging voice at the back of his mind.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has read so far :) Enjoy Chapter Two-would love to know what you all think! :D .x

 

**Harry and Lucas.**

 

Harry mind was only half listening to Lucas’ voice, slightly drowned out anyway by the voice of Greg James, when he pulled up into a parking space in front of their block of flats. It wasn’t the safest place in the world and he heard the name of their neighbourhood on the local news more times than he or his mother found comfortable. Harry worried every morning if his car would be there when he returned. A part of him still wished more than anything he could raise Lucas in a place like Holmes Chapel. Where he could play in the street or his neighbours’ garden. They could go round to his house for a roast every Sunday and have his sister tell Lucas all sorts of embarrassing stories of their own childhood.  But he couldn’t. This was his home now and it was the best he could afford on his salary. Plus there was nice a park just down the road.  And for the first time he had something that was his – just his.

 

Ever since he had said yes to Niall he had been regretting it. He just couldn’t shake the feeling of dread in stomach; the fear of being apart from Lucas. Of people asking what happened- finally unsatisfied with his brush off of their questions. It had been years since he had just ‘hung out’ – and he was severely out of practise. He knew it was ridiculous; he was twenty-one years old. Having a child and having friends wasn’t mutually exclusive. But most twenty year olds hadn’t been through what he had.

 

“Daddy are you even listening to me?”

 

He turned to Lucas with an apologetic smile, trying to shake the thoughts to the back of his mind. He could be lost in his thoughts when he had a child to look after.

 

“Sorry Bud- Daddy was in a day dream. What were you telling me?”

 

It was still weird calling himself that even now after five years. Watching Lucas cross his arms sulkily across his chest, Harry was struck again by how similar they looked. The same brown mess of curls and full lips with signature Style’s dimples. The only thing different was his eyes. Lucas had his Mum’s eyes. He was not placated at all by Harry’s apology; staying sullenly quiet in response to Harry’s question. A stropping Lucas was the last thing Harry wanted to be dealing with this evening.

 

“ I’m really sorry- how about you tell me inside? I may even get out those custard crèmes we have.”

 

Even from the briefest mention of biscuits, Harry saw the twitch in Lucas’ frown. He normally was good at not giving in to easy fixes, well relatively- but today he needed something he knew would work fast. And he may just let himself have one as well.

 

“Can we have them while we make Hamma Beads? “

 

His heart sunk at the thought of all the little beads he would be finding for days scattered around the living area. But today he didn’t care. If it kept Lucas happy and occupied that was the main thing. It was better he wanted to do that than watch something on TV, seeing as Harry couldn’t remember if he’d had enough money to cover the licensing fees on top of the internet.

 

“I think we can manage that.”

 

The frown had long disappeared from Lucas’ face and Harry couldn’t help but smile back.

 

“David in my class made a giraffe the other day he kept showing off about it all the time saying his was better than my star.”

 

Mrs Jones’ son. Harry should have guessed. He had had spent the whole evening painstakingly placing every bead in an alternating rainbow pattern, Lucas ‘assisting’ by his side. He would never admit he almost cried after he knocked it just before ironing it and that he had then spent the remainder of the night redoing it.

 

“Don’t you worry son- we’ll make a whole safari of animals. David won’t know what’s hit him.”

 

The beam he got in return was all the incentive he needed. Of course it was nothing to do with the fact it was Mrs Jonas’ son. Well yes it was – but she’d bought it on herself.

 

 

Maybe making a safari had been ambitious. Harry threw down the template in frustration not even caring that half the beads flipped off onto the table. Lucas had lost concentration a good half an hour ago more entertained by sneaking as many biscuits as he could from the open packet whilst Harry wasn’t looking. Harry had seen every grab but he wasn’t going to say anything; some things a parent needed to keep secret. Santa and the tooth fairy had nothing on having eyes in the back of your head. Or dealing with a child on sugar. Grabbing the two last remaining biscuits, he handed one to Lucas before dunking his into his cup of tea. The only good thing about Hamma Beads was that it had given him time to calm down. Sometime he just needed the time to stop panicking. He had always been a picnicker- whether that be about his A-Level Exams or if Lucas was happy with just living with him- Harry was always worrying. His mum said it was his way of coping; that he had always worried more about others and the impact on them than anything else. Taking a bite out of his biscuit and taking a sip of tea, Harry cleared his throat.

 

“Hey Luc what do you think of sending the evening with Jack on Friday?”

 

Lucas didn’t even hesitate before replying.

 

“Really Daddy? That’d be so cool!!”

 

A very small part of him was upset that Lucas wanted to be with someone else but he quickly brushed that aside. It was stupid; he knew he was just being protective.

 

“Fab; his Uncles invited me around for dinner so we thought you guys could hang out while we do.”

 

“Awesome now you can be best friends like we are!”

 

Lucas smile was infectious and Harry found himself smiling despite himself.

 

“Yeah I guess we can.”

 

A serious look crossed Lucas’ face, his forehead wrinkling slightly.

 

“What are you going to take Daddy? “

 

“What do you mean bud?”

 

Lucas crossed his arms and gave Harry an eye roll and exasperated sigh Gemma would be proud of.

 

“Honestly Daddy you can’t go to a dinner party empty handed.”


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!! :D Would love to hear any feed back you may have or questions .x

  

The rest of the week had gone by in a blur. It was sale season at work so he was working all the hours he could in order get this evening off. On top of dealing with Lucas’ new hobby of avoiding bedtime for as long as possible; he was exhausted. In a way it was a good thing. He hadn’t had time to think about this evening and talk himself out of it. The only problem now was that it was currently half six and he was stood in front of his wardrobe having meant to have left at least five minutes ago with literally no idea what to wear. He felt like a fifteen-year-old girl going to a school disco but this was a big deal. Normally he would be in his pyjamas by now or alternatively passed out on the sofa.

 

“DADDY!! WE’RE GOING TO BE LATE!”

 

Great now even his five-year-old son was more organised then he was.

 

“Alright bossy pants!! Daddy is going to be two minutes.”

 

Harry scanned his wardrobe one last time; eyes flicking from worn jeans to the t- shirts and jumpers he wore every day. Most of which he had owned since he was sixteen. He couldn’t turn up in a t-shirt he remembered Lucas throwing up on. He knew Niall had seen him waiting outside the school sometimes literally in trackies and a hoodie but he had never met Liam. He wanted to make a good impression. Plus this was the start of something new for him; he was allowed to want to look nice for it. Just as he was reaching desperation levels and could hear Lucas pacing outside the door, he remembered the bag of clothes he’d bought home from work. Typically he never tried the clothes on in the shop, knowing he would never be able to afford them. And he didn’t mind; he would rather spend the limited money they had on looking after Lucas anyway. But when sorting the new stock this afternoon he hadn’t been able to resist trying them them on. They were just so different to anything he would normally wear. Modern, edgy and a million miles away from what anyone would wear in Holmes Chapel. He knew he shouldn’t but he had seen other people try things on they liked or even ‘borrow’ pieces for nights out. Surely trying a few bits on wasn’t going to do any harm. As soon as he put them on in his lunch break, he knew he wanted them. For the first time in ages, he was wearing clothes that actually fit and instead of hanging off his slender frame. He looked for once like the he was twenty-one.  But he knew buying any of it would bankrupt them for weeks, so he had reluctantly put them back. It was more than a surprise to find them in a bag hidden in his locker on his return to the staff room after his shift finished. There was a note attached to the front from the manager.

 

‘ You looked smoking in these. We should hire you as a model for next season. Please take these as a gift from me. Zayn ‘

 

Harry was never one for charity, his gut practically screaming at him not to take them, but he had for once allowed him self. And thank God he had. Two minutes later he rushed out of his bedroom throwing his leather jacket over his shoulders and grabbing the car keys from the hook by the front door.

 

“You coming then Lucas?”

Lucas’ eyes widened as he took in what his Dad was wearing; his complaint about Harry’s lateness silenced.

 

“Daddy you look great.”

 

Harry paused, pulling at the sleeves of his jacket self consciously, before smiling.

 

“Thanks bud- now you got everything?”

 

 

Harry had known Niall was rich. It wasn’t like he bragged about it or anything ; Niall wasn’t like that. But his lack of job, endless tales of nights out and expensive looking casual clothes had been enough of a clue. However this house was something else. He should have guessed from the Primrose hill postcode, but this house made his flat look like something you would see on Children in Need. The porch camouflaging the oak front door from the road was laced with immaculately kept ivy and the windows of the minimum of four-storied house had genuine shutters painted a pale cream. Harry had never felt more out of place. These were the kind of places he had seen in his Mum’s Good Housekeeping magazines back home not where he should be standing in his free clothes; five year old son in one hand and Hama Bead gifts in the other. Just as he was about to turn back round, the front door began to open to reveal Niall’s face.

 

“Harry you’re here!! Damn those new clothes buddy – you look good! And this must be Lucas. Spit of you ain’t he!”

 

Harry couldn’t help but smile at Niall’s complements. Thankfully Lucas seemed to warm to Niall’s personality straight away- sticking his hand out towards Niall without any prompt.

 

“And you must be Niall, Jack’s Uncle.”

 

Niall chuckled at Lucas’ confident greeting, shaking Lucas’ hand firmly in return.

 

“You got me there. Jack’s just along the corridor in the kitchen if you want to go join him?”

 

Lucas let go of Harry’s hand in an instant and ran off towards the kitchen before he even had chance to realise. Sensing Harry’s unease, Niall reached across and squeezed his shoulder.

 

“Quite a livewire you got there mate! Don’t worry Jack’s in there with my Sister- she’ll look after him no problem. What’s that you got in your hand ?”

 

Preoccupied by the worry of Lucas running off, Harry had forgotten about the gifts in his other hand. An embarrassed flush arose on Harry’s cheeks.

 

“Ohh um they’re a present. Luc and I made them for you. You don’t have to keep them if…”

Niall took them out of Harry’s hand before he could finish.

 

“These are awesome! I’ll have to put them up in my room downstairs.  “

 

Harry didn’t think he had ever seen anyone so genuinely thrilled with a shitty arts and crafts gift in his life. The thing was Niall’s response was so candid – he knew he wasn’t joking. Harry felt himself relax –just by the tiniest bit – even though the grand marble tiling of the hallway was rather overwhelming.   

 

 “Ohh it’s nothing you don’t have…”

 

“Harry seriously I love them! It means a lot to have you here. “

 

Fiddling self-consciously with his hair, Harry smiled shyly back. Niall would never realise how much it meant for him to be here.

 

“Now tell me – where did you get these new clothes? You’re meant to be helping me woo Liam not getting him for yourself!”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave any feedback I would love to know what you think. :D .x


End file.
